In the Midst of Chaos

Caution Trigger warning, may be graphic for some readers

Sitting here I realize this time I have went way over my head. Is there any way of turning back time and taking away what has been done? The humiliation, the trauma this has caused. There is nothing left for me in this cold world. All is lost and there is no going back. The reality is this is not a dream this is real; and this is my life. On the brink of falling, I grab the pill bottle before I know it, I have already taken half the bottle. My body is starting to go numb, but the whelm of nausea I feel is telling me it is working. I start fading in and out of consciousness and I realize this is not what I wanted to do. I am not ready yet. Someone please help me. A tear falls from my eye, and everything goes black.

To much in this world does this happen, the pain is too much to bear for some and they feel there is no hope. They have been brought to this not because there is something wrong with them, but because the world has showed them that they are not worth it. I want to spread awareness that there is hope. There is always another option.

I want to share my story so that others know that in this world there are people to talk to even if they are not family or friends. Do not be afraid to speak up and ask for help. there is no harm in getting help or finding something that will help you. Over the years I have met many amazing people who went through traumatic events that had caused them to have the need to end their life. Some write about their experiences through books, and blogs much like this one or they speak out about their experience and what helped them the most through the hardest time in their life.

There is so many activities or sports to help encourage yourself to relax and enjoy your surroundings. Or get away from everything around you. When I was hospitalized every day, we did different things that took us away from negative thoughts or to express them in a different manor. One day we would play different instruments and we would all cheer and listen to the music around us. Some people would sing or dance. No matter what it is, there is something that will help I promise. There is art and art ranges to different aspects such as abstract, portraits, finger painting, body painting. The opportunities are endless. So, with that there is music, singing, dancing, doing art, reading, writing, meditating, yoga, playing games, running, going hiking and so many more things to do. Please never think that harming yourself or even others are an option your soul is to beautiful and bright to be harmed. find your spark and go for it. Be the flawless effortless you that will accomplish spectacular things and meet extraordinary people like yourself. Be kind, be beautiful, spread love, not hatred.

Suicide prevention hotline

988

Emergency

911